My mental is seriously wrong?

it started at 2008 i began to think a lot of weird things,i started to worry a lot of things that i shouldn't worry about, at 2009 my mental is totally wrong,i start to think about things i don't want to do,if i'm walking along a river i feel there is another person inside my head demanding me to jump in to the river and die,then i feel the awful scene that i fell into the river then i feel faint.since 2009 till now every day is like this.and i find the reason of this,all because of my experience in school, here is china, have to admit chinese in school are really not kind,they always cause trouble to each other and lousy ,school is like a monkey cage,and all of my schools are very dirty,i'm a person who is afraid of dirty,so stay in dirty area for long time may be bad for my mental,but the worst thing is what i must do everyday when at school, i must study 18 hours a day,in china students must study very hard, other students in school may not do so ,but i did so,and in china study means fill sheet with questions on it ,everyday i must write as much text as a novel,that is real .all the sheet i write can fill a room,and worst of all,what i must study are all useless bulllshiit,it's not knowledge at all, it is the goddamn bullllshiit,for example a chinese in this era must speak the so called spoken language spoken by ancient chinese,and keep them in mind like keeping password in mind,but these are not password,these are articles ,that means i must copy a lot of articles in my mind goddman it!and my mental start to become ill right after i stopped studying,now i realize education in china is a tool to torture chinese, and everyone know chinese treat their own people like dirt,but i'm not ugly and very kind ,why would.......... and,i'm not the only one have these experience, i heard some chinese students have already lost their last sanity,they are doing the things that they don't want to do,they don't want to but they force themselves,a lot of them have suicide, and even primary school students suicide,and some of them must have an operation on their head ,doctors open their skull and remove some part of their brain,otherwise they won't stop doing silly things that they don't want to do,it's terrible, u don't want to do a silly thing,but u feel a person in your head demanding u to do so,and u have to resist before it drain your last sanity,anyway it's not easy to explain,at last , i only want some people out of china to know this situation to know there is hells on earth,that is my only wish now. and other stupid chinese yahoo users go the ***** away,before u leave any meaningless bulllshiit